love? What to do if your relationship is in peril?

We have all heard of many people say how their relationship is in trouble and they don't know what to do. A lot of times the first thing a friend tells them is to give them space and maybe they will come around. Others would tell you that you and your other should just argue, fuck, and get over your problems. Now most of the time these two would work but they don't fix the problem. That's because a relationship is more like a war. Its always one side trying to gain a little more control than the other side. But in order for this relationship to work, both parties must be willing to sacrifice, compromise, and make boundaries because fighting then sex will do nothing more than make y'all look like a scene from Baby Boy. So I've came up with a system to help get a potential failure back on track. But remember, this may or may not work for everyone so don't rely on this as your only source of answers. It may be time to let him/her go and move on.


1. Give each other some space. This doesn't actually mean stop talking to each other completely. Try to limit the time you and him/her talk and see each other but don't bring up the problem yet.

2.Specify when and where you him/her and can talk about it and be comfortable. If you have to, have a mutual friend serve as a moderator so it can flow smoothly and without flare ups of anger.

3. Try not to bring up past events. By this I mean if he started hanging with his boys and y'all talked it out, don't bring it up again to make your argument look better.

4. Stay on topic. If you start on her hair, don't work your way down to be mad about her knees.

5. If you have to, write down things you may want to ask so that you don't interrupt each other. It doesn't help make the argument easier and it causes each other to lose the train of thought.

6. Try to keep your hormones in check. It will not help if the whole time he/she pissed and yelling and you about to go masturbate because it made you horny.

7. If both of you have anger problems or are just plain crazy then it mite be best to handle this over the phone or in public with the mutual friend.

8. Don't go telling your problems to all your friends. Most of the time (if not all), they don't know how to help, don't care to help, want you and your spouse to break up, or is just telling you something to get you out they ear. Remember, what may work for them, may not work for you.

9. It doesn't help to stop caring altogether about the problem. It will still be there and will not have changed one bit.

10. And finally, don't put it out where everyone can see it (i.e. facebook, myspace, twitter, black planet, etc). That just leaves you open to all types of criticism and will not do well for the relationship. Especially if its where your spouse can see it.

Using these tips could at least help bring a relationship back on speaking terms and could provide quite a come back for you and your half. Anything that has also worked for you or that i didn't touch on would be appreciated for the readers. Peace out