Keep Pushing

I tried numerous times to begin this piece, but it wasn’t until the 6th attempt that I realized my problem. I was, once again, attempting to write around the real issue or topic trying to present itself. Once I delved into this particular topic, I began battling with myself because I wasn’t sure how, what I wrote, would be accepted; but what I realized was this: there are times when you must bare your soul or share an intimate piece of yourself in order to get the real point across. Thus, this writing……

For those who don’t know, I was born with a somewhat weak immune system. By weak I mean, my body is liable to catch viruses, germs, and the likes, very easily. I don’t have as many white blood cells as others. Now, had I not told, it probably would never have been known. *Now you can’t say you don’t know something about me (haha)* Now, because of this “weaker” immune system, when I caught a cold or the flu, my body would hold on to it much longer and thus it’d wreak havoc on my entire body. I still managed to attend school, work, and attend my church services quite regularly. It wasn’t until I entered Junior High School that the issue really became a problem. It was in the 7th grade that I really learned how cruel children can be. Sure I’d dealt with the laughs, jokes, and mean comments the years prior, about my weight, body shape, smile, style of dress, etc., but when I became sick, it seemed EVERYONE had a negative comment to give me. My classmates and even so-called friends treated me as if I was a disease that could be caught by simply talking to me or sitting next to me. Still, I attended Junior High full time and graduated with my class and crossed the stage with High Honors. I kept going.

Entering High School was another challenge in itself. No one outside of my family knew the battle I was fighting so when situations would occur, I would go back to being the little Red-Head Step Child. These same people I’d gone through elementary school with treated me even worse, but funny, whenever they needed help with homework, or wanted to copy, or help period, they’d come to me. Be that as it may, my Freshman and Sophomore years were pretty much okay. It seemed the illness I’d been battling the past 4 years had tapered off or gone away. It wasn’t until my Junior Year that it reared its ugly head again, this time knocking me pretty low. I ended up going Home Bound in order to complete my schooling. I was given tutors who either didn’t do their job or better yet, didn’t know the material they were supposed to be teaching me. So, I taught myself Algebra II, the program Excel, all of my English material and novels, and still attended my band class in the morning. I did all of this will maintaining a job, church, and regular life. I kept going.

I finally reached the point where I didn’t want to go to the doctor anymore. By January 2005, I’d been prescribed 1 tri-cyclic antidepressant, 1 anti-depressant with a sleeping aid (mind you, I was NOT depressed by any means), a pill for nausea, birth control for my cyst, a drug for migraines, and an antibiotic for what they thought was the stomach flu, and they still had yet to diagnose or treat the sickness that had now entered my blood stream. Everything hurt. It hurt to hug me, hold me, lie down, sit up, move, everything. But I still kept going because I REFUSED to allow this sickness to be the end of me. I refused to allow the devil victory. His plan was to eliminate me, but every time he tried, I always came out on top, thus he had to try something stronger each time. My Senior year was just as much a challenge as my Junior year. I’d finally gotten some reprieve from the pain so I returned to school. In March 2006, I lost the greatest man to ever grace my life with his presence; my Grandfather. I was out of school for 2 weeks. When I returned to school, I was once again publicly embarrassed and humiliated by my peers, school administrators and teachers; and these were people who had NO CLUE what I was going through. One particular incident occurred when I returned to school after my Grandfather’s funeral--I entered my 2nd hour class (I’ll keep the name private for those who know what my class was and who my teacher was) to be greeted as such, “Oooh Cortiss!! So is it true? I’d heard you were pregnant, when are you due? I mean it was either that or you dropped out since you’ve been gone so much. Anyway, we’re glad to have you back!”—this was said to me, out loud, in front of my class, by my teacher. Yes, my teacher. I had another teacher to say to me, “Oooh, sucks to be you”. Still, I kept going. I graduated in the top 13% of my class and began the next chapter of my life. That was 2004-2006, it is now December 2009. I made it.

Now, I’m sure you’re wondering why I chose to share all of that. Here’s why—life will always have some up’s and downs. Life will not always be “fair”, you will not always be on top, rich with money and possessions, and the likes, but if continue pushing through the muck, the hard times, the challenges, and low points, you will come out on top. Every situation you overcome you add to your repertoire, thus building your strength. I’ve had the heartbreaks, the lonely times, the questions, confusion, and more…..and STILL encounter moments. I’m human, it’s supposed to happen (we don’t know everything), but it is how you choose to handle these situations that determines your outcome. Keep pushing. You WILL overcome and succeed. BUT! You have to want it bad enough for it to happen. God will put you in a situation just to get your attention. He did not make us to be 100% self-sufficient. He made us so that we would have to depend on him. So when those tough times come, put your trust in Him and let him be the answer. I speak from experience. You’ll be surprised the strength He’ll give you to keep going.

Stay encouraged!